I’ve been crying myself to sleep for the past month because of stress.

I thought I could keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, but too many tears had flown from my eyes to keep this quiet.

It feels like I don’t currently have anyone to talk to—to tell my emotions to, and maybe writing and publishing this piece would help me, and maybe other people, too.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, I’ve been crying myself to sleep for the past month due to stress. I’ve been trying to create this enormous interactive writing project, which I hope to begin soon. For this project, I want it to be perfect, and it’s almost as if I’m only waiting for that perfectness to come. I know I can’t do that, especially since my entire career is about me being creative, but in this case, it feels like I can’t help it.  It feels like something inside of me is preventing me from moving forward, and I’m frustrated with the entire situation.

This situation makes me feel inadequate and that I shouldn’t be a writer. It makes me feel like I should change career paths and work an office job because it would be easier, though I wouldn’t be happier. It would be easier for me to work a corporate job because I would know where my next paycheck would come from.

Many people enjoy consuming art, yet they don’t want to purchase it or support creatives and their artistic practices. However, it feels like the general public online screams, “support local artists” or “support small businesses,” but behind the scenes, they don’t do that for one reason or another.

I love what I do, though I don’t love the pressure to consistently make a livable wage from my craft. My creative career has been something I’ve dreamed of my entire life, but that doesn’t mean I must love everything in my career.

Additionally, it feels like recently, I haven’t been enjoying my hobbies, such as reading. Many times, though, when that happens, it’s because my body’s telling me I need to have a break. This feeling occurs once every six months, so twice a year. Additionally, whenever this happens, I get stressed, and I start to think about whether I should continue to make art and have it as a job. I go down a thought spiral that lasts weeks and sometimes months, making it difficult to do my job and actually make money.

I know this wasn’t the most well-written or articulate post, but it feels enjoyable knowing I’ve gotten my emotions out there. It also felt like I’ve been going in circles, so I apologize for that.

Finally, thank you to those who have finished reading what I had to say.